Some Good Jokes

The world is a difficult and dangerous place these days. It's hard to pick up a newspaper without reading about some outrage against decent behavior. The world is also filled with hypocrisy and banal platitudes dispensed by leaders more concerned with their own bread basket than the welfare of people they are supposed to be serving.

So, I collect jokes. I'm pretty particular about what I keep. A good joke must make me chuckle, at least, and it must never be the kind of humour that is at someones expense. It can, however, be at the expense of the author. If we would all just lighten up a bit and give each other some wriggle room, the world would be a much happier place. When we take ourselves and our agendas too seriously, we cause problems for everyone around us.

His/Her Diary

My wife and I found this very funny because it really highlights the basic difference between the way most women and men think. Sometimes jokes are funny because they are too true.


1. Her Diary

Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset. I was late,he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me, not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV.

Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed, and to my surprise he responded to my caress. We made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.


2. His Diary

I shot the worst round of golf in my life today, but at least I got laid.



Baptist Dog

I found this joke funny because I was brought up in a Baptist church as a youth, attended a Mennonite church for quite a while and now attend a Pentecostal church. I find there are more differences between the beliefs held by individuals within each group than there are generally between these groups. Pentecostals, though, are known their belief in the healing power of the Holy Spirit.


Ever mindful of the congregation, the Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog, and knew that the dog also had to be a Baptist.

They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife. "Fetch the Bible," he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner.

"Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw.

The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog. That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses.

The visitors were very impressed. One man asked, "Can he do regular dog tricks, too?" "I haven't tried yet," the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at the dog. "HEEL!" the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl.

The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "Good Lord! He's Pentecostal!"


A Baptist Catholic

This joke reminds me of a clear memory I have from grade school, about grade 4 or 5. I had a friend that was Catholic and was not supposed to eat meat on Fridays. Unfortunately, our school was not very sympathetic to the Catholic dietary requirements and every Friday was 'Hot Dog Day' at the school cafeteria. I remember that my friend habitually forgot that it was Friday until his hot dog was completely eaten and then would suddenly remember and exclaim something like 'O my God, its Friday. I forgot.' Also, if you are from the Southern US, you will recognize the characters in this story. They are all archetypes.



Boudreaux, a Cajun highlander from Rapides Parish in central Louisiana, was an older, single gentleman, who was born and raised a Baptist, living in South Louisiana. Each Friday night after work, he would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. Now, all of Boudreaux's neighbors were Catholic... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Fridays. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

The priest came to visit Boudreaux, and suggested that Boudreaux convert to Catholicism. After several classes and much study, Boudreaux attended Mass.. and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist and raised a Baptist, but now you are Catholic."

Boudreaux's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Boudreaux's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped in amazement and watched. There stood Boudreaux, clutching a small bottle of water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat, and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, and you wuz raised a deer, but now you a catfish."


Original Title

Anyone who has had to deal with a bureaucracy to get anything done will appreciate this.


A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the Lawyer three months to track down.

After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply (actual letter):

"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):

"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.

For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus' expedition.

Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you at the FHA find God's original claim to be satisfactory.

Now, may we have our loan?"

The loan was approved.